He called me, "The worst daughter ever".
The tattoo, itself, is a heart with an arrow through it and a halo above it. It also has wings on either side of it and a banner over it. The banner says, 'Honesty'.
When I was young, it was just my mom and me for a long time. My mom is a-m-a-zing; she is awesome. She was like a rock throughout my childhood. We were more like best friends. We still are like that even though a lot has changed over the years. She met a new man, who became my step-father. They have a child, my sister. My step father too is awesome, you know. Everything was great.
My own father was never in the picture. There were times when I didn't even see him. And the periods that I did see were neither long nor consistent. As any child would have wanted, even I wanted to have a proper relationship with my father. I mean, he was my father, right! I knew he was alive; I knew he was there but just not in my life. So, after I became an adult, I felt like maybe I can go live with my dad. I mean, even though he wasn't really around, we did keep in touch with each other.
So I did.
In reality, I never actually expected my father to be a father. I lived for 18 years without his constant presence. So, I thought that now that I had become an adult, he wouldn't be interested in my whereabouts. However, on the contrary he tried to be a father as if he was trying to make up for all the missed past. And he was not only over-doing it, but doing it at the wrong time in the wrong way.
I had left my mother to be independent and not have a parent hovering over me. Now, here was my father doing exactly that. "Where are you going?", "What is that?", all these other questions started coming up. It felt that it was more like he was checking up on me. I didn't feel like he was trying to be a father but instead felt like he wanted to assert his rights over me. I didn't like it and I was like, "Oh no! This can't work".
On one of those days, he called me the worst daughter ever in spite of the fact that he had been absent my whole life and I was there, trying to be an adult. So, I moved out and started staying with my friend. A short while later, I made the conscious decision to stop talking with my dad. And that's when I decided to get his tattoo.
The tattoo kind of means that I have love in my heart, and that my heart is still together. But his words put an arrow through it, that the person who was supposed to the most loving person said such hurtful words. The wings show that I am rising above the situation. The banner means that, from now on, I want only honest people on my life, you know. Sometimes, I felt that my father was not the most honest person.
My friends were like, "Are you gonna put more arrows through it if more people hurt you?" No, it's not that. It is just a symbol that this hurts. I still have a whole heart; I still have love. I have to make decisions for myself in order to be happy. I have to make positive experiences for myself and allow only positive people into my life. And not let bad things that happen to me let me down, pull me down, to a point where I can't be a good person that I am.
I drew the design myself. In fact, I drew a few designs and took them to the tattoo artist. When you go to an artist, you want them to be an artist and put their own stuff into the art. It was the same way with this tattoo artist. I wanted him to put his perspective, his artistry, into it. He came up with the final design. He said that since the tattoo is on this part of the my body, it would flow easier if the wings were the way they now are.
That is one part of the tattoo I don't like. I feel like the wings are a bit weird as they go in different directions. The good thing is there are really good cover up artists. So, I think I want to find an artist that can build upon this tattoo, use a lot of colors, refresh it a bit, make it pop and fit my body a little better.
Oh, one more thing. All my tattoos are on my left side. Really, they are!